I have a story to share, and I'm pretty excited about it. However, I do not expect you to be as excited about it as it does not directly pertain to you (it can't hurt to try to apply it to yourself though!).
This morning I was supposed to take an exam for one of my hardest math classes at 8:00 am. I say "supposed to" for a reason. Let me rewind a bit and catch you up.
This semester I had some of the most challenging (and obnoxious) classes I have had in years. This math class was probably tied for the worst along with my other math class- I am a math major afterall. My first test in that course didn't go as well as I'd hope and the second was even worse. I simply could not wrap my head around everything I needed to know. With the help of my family and my fellow tutors, I buckled down and worked even harder to get a better grade. My third test grade jumped up whole letter grades from where I'd been previously and I was so excited to finally understand what I was doing!
The final exam for that particular class was scheduled for this morning at 8:00 am, so I did two things.
1- I tried not to panic or worry about it and thus create undue stress for myself. (In so doing, I procrastinated.)
2- I went through all of my tests and made sure I knew the correct way to answer the problems, not the way I'd done before.
Basically I crammed. That's not what it felt like I was doing, but looking back, that's pretty much how it went down.
So my roommate gave me a deadline of 12:30 am to be finished and go to bed; I finished at 12:30 and got in bed. (Duh.) And of course, I set my trusty alarm for 7:00. I was going to need every single minute in that two and a half hour allotment. Except then I woke up. I looked at my phone and it was off. I don't even remember hearing my alarm- and I'd even tested it last night before I went to sleep to make sure it would go off and be loud enough to wake me up the first time! I looked at my clock... 9:30 am. An hour and a half already out the window, and I still had to clothe myself and get to the classroom. In a matter of less than 10 minutes I was sitting at a desk looking at this exam. I had already panicked on the way there so there was no use in panicking more during the exam. I pulled out my pencil and the permitted notecard and realized, upon further inspection, that I knew most everything on that test paper!! I blew through it, feeling more confident than ever, and finished exactly as the given exam period concluded. (That means it took less than an hour...)
I called my mom as I left to tell her my story and she reminded me that God is a lot more involved in our lives than we remember to give Him credit for. She told me that the adrenaline from waking up so late and freaking out was probably what got me through the exam so quickly. Isn't it fascinating how God always knows exactly what we need? I may have wanted to be there before the door was unlocked, mentally preparing myself for what doom awaited me, but God knew I could do it, and would do better, if He turned off my ears to my alarm for the first hour of the exam. (Which goes back to that God timing :) He's never late and never early. His timing is perfect, even if you think it's not.)
My challenge to you for this week, or the weekend at least, is to rely on God to provide exactly what you need exactly when you need it. Don't rush Him, that will stir impatience and disappointment in you, and who really wants that when you could have peace and joy?
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Go(o)d Timing!
I have wanted to write something all day, but I couldn't think of what to say. On my way back to school this evening I heard a story on the radio and my heart just wanted to cry out to the woman through the radio waves and phone lines so she would know that she is being prayed for. But, alas, I could not do that. So I contented myself with an earnest prayer to God, hoping that she would physically feel His presence and comfort. During my prayer, God and I had a little chat. Actually, it was more like I talked and God listened. But He's a very good listener.
God's also very good at responding to me when I've composed myself and moved my thoughts away from whatever was frustrating me so. Tonight's response came in the form of a friend's blog. She wrote this almost a month ago, and I typically read her posts relatively soon after she writes them, but I hadn't taken the time to read it until a few moments ago. This exerpt is God's message to Rachel (aka you never know when God may be using you to speak to a friend- or total stranger):
Be encouraged. God loves you and He desires you. Don't be discouraged because you can't find a place here. You're not supposed to! And just because you feel like you're in a rut doesn't mean that God is in a rut or that He's just going to leave you there. He's waiting for you to ask Him to help you, because He wants to help you.
God's also very good at responding to me when I've composed myself and moved my thoughts away from whatever was frustrating me so. Tonight's response came in the form of a friend's blog. She wrote this almost a month ago, and I typically read her posts relatively soon after she writes them, but I hadn't taken the time to read it until a few moments ago. This exerpt is God's message to Rachel (aka you never know when God may be using you to speak to a friend- or total stranger):
"We were not created to live comfortably in defined spaces. The day you chose to follow Jesus was the day you gave up your rights to be satisfied with being comfortable. You are an exile in this world, this is not your home - no wonder you feel so out of place compared to the world. Keep waiting. Waiting does not mean stop - it means close your eyes, open your ears, take a step, and trust Him. "God took the words I spat at him in the car earlier and spat them back at me, almost verbatim. (Keep in mind it's holy spit since it's from God.)
-I Prefer Harmony Please
Be encouraged. God loves you and He desires you. Don't be discouraged because you can't find a place here. You're not supposed to! And just because you feel like you're in a rut doesn't mean that God is in a rut or that He's just going to leave you there. He's waiting for you to ask Him to help you, because He wants to help you.
I wrote this on November 7 and for some reason never posted it. Reading back over it, I like it :) So I'll let you read it, too:
There is so much I want to tell the world, so much I want the people inhabiting it to know and understand. Yet I can rarely think of the words or take hold of an opportunity or think of what one thing a person most needs to hear first.
Lately, I have been learning about the beauty of God and of genuine joy. I first learned about real joy a few years ago when I realized that I had it. It was this feeling, this sense and presence that could carry me through struggle and pain and rainy days with a smile on my face and a glow in my heart. That is how I describe joy. Insufficient, I know.
There is so much I want to tell the world, so much I want the people inhabiting it to know and understand. Yet I can rarely think of the words or take hold of an opportunity or think of what one thing a person most needs to hear first.
Lately, I have been learning about the beauty of God and of genuine joy. I first learned about real joy a few years ago when I realized that I had it. It was this feeling, this sense and presence that could carry me through struggle and pain and rainy days with a smile on my face and a glow in my heart. That is how I describe joy. Insufficient, I know.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Learning
I have learned much. My stress level has significantly decreased lately, too. It's as if I really learn something new everyday, although I may not realize that I have, in fact, learned something right away.
This past weekend was the 2010 Carolinas Fall Getaway for North and South Carolina Campus Crusade for Christ ministries. Adjective of choice: phenomenal. Hank Marshman spoke, and he challenged us to be authentic. Authenticity is so much more than what my old youth pastor taught when he said "Be Real." Authenticity is true, genuine; sincere; not shallow; founded on truth, God. It is not guilt-ridden nor burdened by disappointment. It produces zealous conviction rather than mere opinion or passive conviction. I learned that God walks with us in our disappointment and failures, just as Jesus walked with his two disheartened followers down the road to Emmaus. They had no idea He was the man accompanying them, but as soon as they figured it out, they were reminded of their hope and immediately returned to where Jesus desired them to be. I am those followers too often; but I thank God that He is so faithful to remind me and not desert me when I walk away.
I also spent a lot of time thinking about my Granny. That weekend marked a month, after all. But I ended up applying the Gospel in a way that has helped me significantly. My Granny thought she was a failure. She believed I was disappointed in her. But she had the Son of God living in her. Jesus was completely innocent of any wrongdoing, but He died a horrid death on a cross, taking the punishment that God says we deserve. All we have to do to live eternally with Him in heaven is accept that gift of life that Jesus paid for and give Him the rule of our lives. (Who wouldn't want the Creator to take care of his life when He is so perfect and all-knowing and we are so imperfect and small?) There is nothing we can do to be good enough for God and earn salvation, and there is nothing we can do to lose that salvation He gives us. So, regardless of any of her failures or thoughts, she is alive with Christ. And I am as well. Forever. (Permanently!)
This past weekend was the 2010 Carolinas Fall Getaway for North and South Carolina Campus Crusade for Christ ministries. Adjective of choice: phenomenal. Hank Marshman spoke, and he challenged us to be authentic. Authenticity is so much more than what my old youth pastor taught when he said "Be Real." Authenticity is true, genuine; sincere; not shallow; founded on truth, God. It is not guilt-ridden nor burdened by disappointment. It produces zealous conviction rather than mere opinion or passive conviction. I learned that God walks with us in our disappointment and failures, just as Jesus walked with his two disheartened followers down the road to Emmaus. They had no idea He was the man accompanying them, but as soon as they figured it out, they were reminded of their hope and immediately returned to where Jesus desired them to be. I am those followers too often; but I thank God that He is so faithful to remind me and not desert me when I walk away.
I also spent a lot of time thinking about my Granny. That weekend marked a month, after all. But I ended up applying the Gospel in a way that has helped me significantly. My Granny thought she was a failure. She believed I was disappointed in her. But she had the Son of God living in her. Jesus was completely innocent of any wrongdoing, but He died a horrid death on a cross, taking the punishment that God says we deserve. All we have to do to live eternally with Him in heaven is accept that gift of life that Jesus paid for and give Him the rule of our lives. (Who wouldn't want the Creator to take care of his life when He is so perfect and all-knowing and we are so imperfect and small?) There is nothing we can do to be good enough for God and earn salvation, and there is nothing we can do to lose that salvation He gives us. So, regardless of any of her failures or thoughts, she is alive with Christ. And I am as well. Forever. (Permanently!)
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Step Back to Move Forward?
It has been all of maybe 2 days. So far, I have learned that a huge part of stress prevention and relief lies in perspective. Each day brings new struggles, just like Matthew 6:34 says, "So do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings." God cares for the smallest of His creations, why should I doubt that He can and will take care of me, one of His greatest creations?
I have found myself becoming alarmed or stressed over myriad things in the past two weeks, and even in the past two days, but the reactions in the past two days have been much different. Instead of panicing and stressing myself to the point of no return, I've learned to take a step back and keep the situation in perspective. For example, just today I learned that the background check I have to have for my education class will not go through but I'm potentially still being charged for the report. I freaked out, almost cried, and considered myself to have had the worst day ever. The truth is that I had a wonderful day with a small glitch, a glitch that I can do nothing about at this point. It was hard, and definitely not my first thought, but after I mentally forced myself to consider the day's events in their entirety, I was able to realize that overreacting can seriously affect my mental health. Not only that, but I have been allowing myself to be bogged down and burdened by my circumstances.
Here's another truth for today: my circumstances do not determine my joy. Christ living in me is my Joy, and nothing can change that. In fact, joy is part of the fruit of the Spirit! When the Holy Spirit resides in me (which is always) the fruit of His presence and God's reign in me is "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control." So my newest lesson is to (1) step back, (2) consider the trials or hardships I face compared to the eternal hope that I have for heaven and that I have for a Christ-filled life here on earth, and (3) move on! And as an old friend of mine once told me, "Practice makes permanent," so I'll put this concept into practice and see how it goes.
I have found myself becoming alarmed or stressed over myriad things in the past two weeks, and even in the past two days, but the reactions in the past two days have been much different. Instead of panicing and stressing myself to the point of no return, I've learned to take a step back and keep the situation in perspective. For example, just today I learned that the background check I have to have for my education class will not go through but I'm potentially still being charged for the report. I freaked out, almost cried, and considered myself to have had the worst day ever. The truth is that I had a wonderful day with a small glitch, a glitch that I can do nothing about at this point. It was hard, and definitely not my first thought, but after I mentally forced myself to consider the day's events in their entirety, I was able to realize that overreacting can seriously affect my mental health. Not only that, but I have been allowing myself to be bogged down and burdened by my circumstances.
Here's another truth for today: my circumstances do not determine my joy. Christ living in me is my Joy, and nothing can change that. In fact, joy is part of the fruit of the Spirit! When the Holy Spirit resides in me (which is always) the fruit of His presence and God's reign in me is "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control." So my newest lesson is to (1) step back, (2) consider the trials or hardships I face compared to the eternal hope that I have for heaven and that I have for a Christ-filled life here on earth, and (3) move on! And as an old friend of mine once told me, "Practice makes permanent," so I'll put this concept into practice and see how it goes.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Leaving
I am about to embark on a journey. It will probably be the longest, most difficult journey I've been on thus far in my life, but I shall endeavor it nonetheless. Honestly, I'm not sure what the point of this journey is, what I wish to accomplish or find. There may be no one with me on this journey; it may turn out that there are many on the journey with me whom I may meet along the way. All I really know is that where I am is not where I want to be, so I must leave it. By this point in my soliloquy, you ought to have caught on to the concept that I am not physically migrating anywhere. I am, however, abandoning a state of mind and being with which I am no longer content.
I want to be a better person, more confident, strong, peaceful, trusting, joyful, loving, generous, prioritized, role-model kind of person. I want to yearn for God more than I yearn for other things. I want to live a full life, enjoying simple pleasures and striving for more than complacency. I want to be happy with who I am. I want to be self-disciplined and ambitious. I want to be content and patient.
Ready, set, GO!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Prayer of Confession
"
Father forgive us. Our memories have failed us and our hearts have not quickened us to remembrances of Your son and the price He paid for our salvation. Forgive us for ignoring Your sacrifice and leading a life of indulgence that is often anything but sacrificial.
We often do 'good works' in our power with such frenzy that we do not seek Your heart and face and do not ask Your counsel. We become ridden with anxiety and forget Your promise that You are building Your church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.
Now, please help me to fix my mind on You, the Author and Perfecter of my faith. Help me to put my complete trust and hope in You and You alone, and forgive me when I do otherwise. Help me, Father, to place myself at the foot of Your throne knowing Your love and provision for me are incomprehensible. May Your glory and renown be my soul's purpose and my heart's true desire.
"
Father forgive us. Our memories have failed us and our hearts have not quickened us to remembrances of Your son and the price He paid for our salvation. Forgive us for ignoring Your sacrifice and leading a life of indulgence that is often anything but sacrificial.
We often do 'good works' in our power with such frenzy that we do not seek Your heart and face and do not ask Your counsel. We become ridden with anxiety and forget Your promise that You are building Your church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.
Now, please help me to fix my mind on You, the Author and Perfecter of my faith. Help me to put my complete trust and hope in You and You alone, and forgive me when I do otherwise. Help me, Father, to place myself at the foot of Your throne knowing Your love and provision for me are incomprehensible. May Your glory and renown be my soul's purpose and my heart's true desire.
"
Friday, September 3, 2010
a mess
I sit in my room and cry sometimes. Especially now. My Granny died on Thursday morning a week ago; her funeral was on Sunday. It's so unreal. I've been repeating the same sentence all weekend, and all week: my Granny died today. We used to talk about everything and nothing. Then I learned that she was starting to be a bad influence on my sister and me because we thought everything she did and said was true and right. It wasn't always. But isn't that the case with everyone? Regardless, we grew apart and I dreaded having to talk to her, even over the phone, because I knew she'd ask when I would be free from homework or when I wouldn't have plans with friends so that we could spend some time together. In recent months, things seemed to be getting better. I talked to her more about God and about things of truth than things of little consequence. I looked forward to the day when things could return to even a semblance of how they'd been when I was a child.
She was unhappy with herself and what she'd become. One day, during some obscure conversation, I told her that God is disappointed when we sin; that when we do things that are disobedient or displeasing, whether it be lying or eating too much or murdering someone, He is saddened. She took that to mean that I believed God was disappointed in her. I didn't think that. Now she knows what I meant. I didn't want for her to have to see God in person before she would know that. At least she is seeing God; she's better off than I am, or any of us here are.
Her decision was to have gastric bypass surgery, against the advice of several doctors. It went well and she lost over 30 pounds in her three weeks of recovery. She was happy. And making plans. We were going to walk in the mall together. She hadn't been able to for a long time. She wanted to ride horses again. It's been decades, I think, since she's been on a horse. She was even going to go back to Wyoming with her friend, and really enjoy it. I hadn't seen her so anti-miserable in a long time. I was excited to walk in the mall with her, even if just in short intervals.
I got out of class about 10 minutes early on Thursday morning and, upon returning to my room, opened Facebook and my email accounts. My phone was at home (of course it would be) so I wanted to make sure all other lines of communication were open. Then I noticed that my Nana was online and I didn't want her to think I was slacking. I closed Facebook, and then saw an email that she'd sent me a message. She wanted me to call her ASAP. I called her on my roommate's phone; my roommate sat with me while I cried for an unexplained reason. In two hours, I was packed and riding home. I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to see her. I didn't get to be with my family until hours after. She must have hurt when it happened. And we weren't there to help her, to hold her hand, to comfort her, to tell her we loved her. I didn't even get to yell at her not to go.
For days I haven't wanted to talk to God. I'm not angry at Him or even confused. Just sad. I talked to Him yesterday. My roommate needed help with a situation and God was my only source of advice for her. He used her to bring me back to Him right then. And it was refreshing. I'm still sad, but now I'm not alone and sad. In John 11, Jesus mourned with Martha and Mary over Lazarus' death. It's beyond unlikely that He'll be raising anyone from the dead today, but He's weeping with me in my pain. He's holding my hand as I face the future and step forward, albeit slowly. He knows how the next many days and weeks and months are going to play out, and He has already orchestrated His will to be done in my family. He has surrounded me with friends, true, Jesus-loving friends, to fellowship with and turn to, and He had my schedule and commitments already planned out before the summer began so that I would not be unbearably overwhelmed through this.
I don't know what the next step is. But like I told my roommate yesterday, God tells us to wait on Him and in Him. So I shall wait. I will cry, I will cope, I will continue in my schoolwork, I will seek His will. But I will wait. And I certainly will depend on Him for my comfort.
She was unhappy with herself and what she'd become. One day, during some obscure conversation, I told her that God is disappointed when we sin; that when we do things that are disobedient or displeasing, whether it be lying or eating too much or murdering someone, He is saddened. She took that to mean that I believed God was disappointed in her. I didn't think that. Now she knows what I meant. I didn't want for her to have to see God in person before she would know that. At least she is seeing God; she's better off than I am, or any of us here are.
Her decision was to have gastric bypass surgery, against the advice of several doctors. It went well and she lost over 30 pounds in her three weeks of recovery. She was happy. And making plans. We were going to walk in the mall together. She hadn't been able to for a long time. She wanted to ride horses again. It's been decades, I think, since she's been on a horse. She was even going to go back to Wyoming with her friend, and really enjoy it. I hadn't seen her so anti-miserable in a long time. I was excited to walk in the mall with her, even if just in short intervals.
I got out of class about 10 minutes early on Thursday morning and, upon returning to my room, opened Facebook and my email accounts. My phone was at home (of course it would be) so I wanted to make sure all other lines of communication were open. Then I noticed that my Nana was online and I didn't want her to think I was slacking. I closed Facebook, and then saw an email that she'd sent me a message. She wanted me to call her ASAP. I called her on my roommate's phone; my roommate sat with me while I cried for an unexplained reason. In two hours, I was packed and riding home. I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to see her. I didn't get to be with my family until hours after. She must have hurt when it happened. And we weren't there to help her, to hold her hand, to comfort her, to tell her we loved her. I didn't even get to yell at her not to go.
For days I haven't wanted to talk to God. I'm not angry at Him or even confused. Just sad. I talked to Him yesterday. My roommate needed help with a situation and God was my only source of advice for her. He used her to bring me back to Him right then. And it was refreshing. I'm still sad, but now I'm not alone and sad. In John 11, Jesus mourned with Martha and Mary over Lazarus' death. It's beyond unlikely that He'll be raising anyone from the dead today, but He's weeping with me in my pain. He's holding my hand as I face the future and step forward, albeit slowly. He knows how the next many days and weeks and months are going to play out, and He has already orchestrated His will to be done in my family. He has surrounded me with friends, true, Jesus-loving friends, to fellowship with and turn to, and He had my schedule and commitments already planned out before the summer began so that I would not be unbearably overwhelmed through this.
I don't know what the next step is. But like I told my roommate yesterday, God tells us to wait on Him and in Him. So I shall wait. I will cry, I will cope, I will continue in my schoolwork, I will seek His will. But I will wait. And I certainly will depend on Him for my comfort.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Inadequately Sufficient Overview
I was talking to an acquaintance online after getting home from my wonderful summer in Beaufort, SC, and he asked me about my trip. The question intended to find out if anything "exciting" happened, but that word just covers so much! Plus, I really wanted to use this opportunity to share Jesus' impact with him. As soon as I hit enter, I realized that what I'd written was a pretty decent summary, so I decided to share my experience with everyone! :)
"
I spent the past 9 weeks in Beaufort, SC, on missions and serving Christ as He called me to this summer. It was amazing. I learned so much about Him, about me, about my calling, and about how He desires each of us to live out our ministries and our Life. Over 20 children/youth now have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and have salvation, not to mention those who we don't know about through other mission teams. Plus even more local communities have opened up and allowed mission teams to come in and share the Gospel and Bible stories, and local churches are getting more involved in their communities!!!
"
So, yeah. Pretty awesome. If only you could have seen my effervescent joy as I typed it all and remembered everything God did this summer!! It is my hope that you can experience Him as I have; I promise you won't regret it!
"
I spent the past 9 weeks in Beaufort, SC, on missions and serving Christ as He called me to this summer. It was amazing. I learned so much about Him, about me, about my calling, and about how He desires each of us to live out our ministries and our Life. Over 20 children/youth now have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and have salvation, not to mention those who we don't know about through other mission teams. Plus even more local communities have opened up and allowed mission teams to come in and share the Gospel and Bible stories, and local churches are getting more involved in their communities!!!
"
So, yeah. Pretty awesome. If only you could have seen my effervescent joy as I typed it all and remembered everything God did this summer!! It is my hope that you can experience Him as I have; I promise you won't regret it!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
In Awe
Tonight I have found some time and available internet- so I shall blog. And I want to share something that I had the opportunity to share during our missionary-led service tonight.
I grew up in a Christian environment with parents who loved and served God and a church family who supported and taught me as a Godly church should. Plus my church was missions-oriented. At a Global Impact Celebration, where our ministry partners gather to share reports and updates about their ministry so we can pray and support them as they need us to, I met Larry Leming. Larry works for the Savannah River Baptist Association and leads LowCountry Ministries; he also has a pretty strong prayer line to God. I say this because when Larry says he's going to pray about something, God responds, and usually not in a subtle way. Before Larry left that church conference, he said he would be praying for me. That summer, in 2008, I found myself serving with LowCountry Ministries (LCM). While in Beaufort, I fell in love with the area, the children, the churches, the land, everything! I learned and grew and fellowshipped and experienced. Then last summer, 2009, I decided to stay home. It was my summer after graduating high school, and I intended to spend time with my family before leaving for the strange and far-off world of college. But my sister ended up going on a mission trip to Utah, and my mom got a new job, and we moved churches, so my summer was considerably different from how I'd pictured it. In the end, I felt as if I'd been unused. I may not have hindered God's work that summer, but I certainly hadn't helped. While in college, I heard God reminding me of that place I'd been before- remember Beaufort? And God was not going to let me push that thought away. So it's 2010, and I'm a summer missionary serving God with LowCountry Ministries! That's how I got here.
That said, I want to tell you a short story about our camp Tuesday morning. I'm on the Community Ministries Team which means my team spends our weekday mornings in apartment complexes and other communities holding Backyard Bible Club type day camps. This week, we started off with three siblings: a four year old girl and two year old twin boys. Eventually three other children joined us... we felt like babysitters. Even while we were trying to figure out how to restructure our plans for a younger audience, these children were simply enjoying life. At one point, one girl found a ladybug and we let it crawl across my hands for a little while. The four year old girl came over and for maybe a whole minute, she just watched this ladybug. In absolute amazement. Her eyes were wide and her mouth hung slightly open, and she just watched. Then she spoke. "A ladybug!! LADYBUG!" She kept saying "ladybug" over and over, still very excited. All I could think was Really? It's a ladybug, what's so special about that? I've seen thousands of these before, and I know she must have. After she named it several times, she started pointing things out like, "Look! It has little legs!" and "And a head! It has a head." It was a cute little moment for this four year old girl. For me, I learned my lesson from it several hours later.
Our team has begun a book study on Crazy Love, and I was talking to one of my teammates after the group discussion. I started to explain a particular point and considered using the ladybug moment as an example. Then it hit me! That little girl was so amazed by that ladybug, and we should be just as amazed by God. How fascinating a tiny creature like a ladybug is, with intricate details, functioning legs, a teeny tiny head, and simple beauty, and yet, how much more vast and beautiful and complex and wonderful is God!! We ought to, when we see God or His work, be in absolute awe, to watch in wonder, to gaze at His perfection and be amazed. Then to speak His name. God. GOD. Yahweh. Abba. And just as that little girl listed the attributes of the ladybug, we have a book full of the characteristics of God. He is just, almighty, loving, gentle. He cares for us. He knows everything. He created everything. He is perfect and wonderful and more than worthy of praise. God is reteaching me how to love Him this summer, how to fall in love with Himself. I so enjoy being in His presence and admiring Him for all of who He is. Let's see God and be in awe!
Psalm 145:3-6
Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.
They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
Psalm 29:2
Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name;
worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness.
That's where my share time ended at the church this evening, but there is so much more I could say! Just to be in His presence should overwhelm us. Patrick, a member of the Kids Connexion Team, was teaching a class of 5th-6th graders during VBS at Hardeeville Baptist Church two weeks ago and made a comment that I doubt any of the kids caught. He was explaining what it means to have a "quiet time" and said that he starts his own by acknowledging God and praising Him, before even thanking Him for anything and especially before he asks for anything. It's nothing revolutionary, but it was definitely something that stood out to me because I so often forget that God is God. He was not made for me, I am not entitled to anything, and I am certainly not to consider myself inconvenienced by anything. I was made by Him, for Him. The end. So why do I so often forget to look at God for who He is instead of looking at myself and what did or did not go as I desired? And shouldn't I spend more time basking in His presence than talking?
I grew up in a Christian environment with parents who loved and served God and a church family who supported and taught me as a Godly church should. Plus my church was missions-oriented. At a Global Impact Celebration, where our ministry partners gather to share reports and updates about their ministry so we can pray and support them as they need us to, I met Larry Leming. Larry works for the Savannah River Baptist Association and leads LowCountry Ministries; he also has a pretty strong prayer line to God. I say this because when Larry says he's going to pray about something, God responds, and usually not in a subtle way. Before Larry left that church conference, he said he would be praying for me. That summer, in 2008, I found myself serving with LowCountry Ministries (LCM). While in Beaufort, I fell in love with the area, the children, the churches, the land, everything! I learned and grew and fellowshipped and experienced. Then last summer, 2009, I decided to stay home. It was my summer after graduating high school, and I intended to spend time with my family before leaving for the strange and far-off world of college. But my sister ended up going on a mission trip to Utah, and my mom got a new job, and we moved churches, so my summer was considerably different from how I'd pictured it. In the end, I felt as if I'd been unused. I may not have hindered God's work that summer, but I certainly hadn't helped. While in college, I heard God reminding me of that place I'd been before- remember Beaufort? And God was not going to let me push that thought away. So it's 2010, and I'm a summer missionary serving God with LowCountry Ministries! That's how I got here.
That said, I want to tell you a short story about our camp Tuesday morning. I'm on the Community Ministries Team which means my team spends our weekday mornings in apartment complexes and other communities holding Backyard Bible Club type day camps. This week, we started off with three siblings: a four year old girl and two year old twin boys. Eventually three other children joined us... we felt like babysitters. Even while we were trying to figure out how to restructure our plans for a younger audience, these children were simply enjoying life. At one point, one girl found a ladybug and we let it crawl across my hands for a little while. The four year old girl came over and for maybe a whole minute, she just watched this ladybug. In absolute amazement. Her eyes were wide and her mouth hung slightly open, and she just watched. Then she spoke. "A ladybug!! LADYBUG!" She kept saying "ladybug" over and over, still very excited. All I could think was Really? It's a ladybug, what's so special about that? I've seen thousands of these before, and I know she must have. After she named it several times, she started pointing things out like, "Look! It has little legs!" and "And a head! It has a head." It was a cute little moment for this four year old girl. For me, I learned my lesson from it several hours later.
Our team has begun a book study on Crazy Love, and I was talking to one of my teammates after the group discussion. I started to explain a particular point and considered using the ladybug moment as an example. Then it hit me! That little girl was so amazed by that ladybug, and we should be just as amazed by God. How fascinating a tiny creature like a ladybug is, with intricate details, functioning legs, a teeny tiny head, and simple beauty, and yet, how much more vast and beautiful and complex and wonderful is God!! We ought to, when we see God or His work, be in absolute awe, to watch in wonder, to gaze at His perfection and be amazed. Then to speak His name. God. GOD. Yahweh. Abba. And just as that little girl listed the attributes of the ladybug, we have a book full of the characteristics of God. He is just, almighty, loving, gentle. He cares for us. He knows everything. He created everything. He is perfect and wonderful and more than worthy of praise. God is reteaching me how to love Him this summer, how to fall in love with Himself. I so enjoy being in His presence and admiring Him for all of who He is. Let's see God and be in awe!
Psalm 145:3-6
Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.
They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
Psalm 29:2
Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name;
worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness.
That's where my share time ended at the church this evening, but there is so much more I could say! Just to be in His presence should overwhelm us. Patrick, a member of the Kids Connexion Team, was teaching a class of 5th-6th graders during VBS at Hardeeville Baptist Church two weeks ago and made a comment that I doubt any of the kids caught. He was explaining what it means to have a "quiet time" and said that he starts his own by acknowledging God and praising Him, before even thanking Him for anything and especially before he asks for anything. It's nothing revolutionary, but it was definitely something that stood out to me because I so often forget that God is God. He was not made for me, I am not entitled to anything, and I am certainly not to consider myself inconvenienced by anything. I was made by Him, for Him. The end. So why do I so often forget to look at God for who He is instead of looking at myself and what did or did not go as I desired? And shouldn't I spend more time basking in His presence than talking?
Thursday, May 13, 2010
While I'm Waiting
A few days ago, each member of the LowCountry Ministries team for 2010 received a confirmation email with some questions, topics of information, and (most exciting of all!!) a list of the other team members. I think it's safe to assume that we're all pretty much as ecstatic as we can be, especially considering the immediate friend requests that bounced around Facebook and the groups that were formed in preparation for the quickly approaching adventure! As excited as we all are, we want others to be just as eager to support God's glory and mission this summer in Beaufort and Jasper counties. It is my hope that you will take maybe one or two of the names of the students to pray for as we prepare and go about God's service. We are broken up into 4 smaller teams, each serving in different ways. The Community Ministries Team travels to local communities and neighborhoods to hold short day camps. The children will spend a week playing games, singing songs, making crafts, and hearing a Bible story. The Sports Ministries Team works in various Boys and Girls Clubs teaching kids how to play different sports and also about Christ and His love for them and how they can know Him. The Performance/Resort Ministries Team has a more difficult mission, in my own opinion. As hard as it may be to learn music and create dance routines, as nerve-wracking as it is to perform in front of large groups of people or walk up to complete strangers on the beach to share a Christ-like gesture, these missionaries live in Hilton Head for the summer among people who are well-off and find no real need for a God. To live and serve and witness in such a community that is so confident in themselves is a struggle indeed. Lastly, but the most recent addition, is the Kids Connexion Team, which will be working with children similarly to the Community Ministries Team but will be serving primarily with local churches doing Vacation Bible School. I'm not exactly sure what all that entails, but that's the description as I understand it. Either way, I'm sure it's going to be great!
Now that you have a little background on what each team does, I ask that you would pray for each team member. We will pray for each other of course, but I know from experience that, as we pour ourselves into the children we'll be working with and loving on, we will need to draw from other Christians as well. Your encouragement and support is so dearly desired!
Community Ministries:
Jessica Welborn
Jessica Walton
Elizabeth Legendre
Rachel Ivey
Diamond Black
Sports Ministries:
Anne Crane
Tim Laurent
Kurt Rogers
Blake Johnson
Performance/Resort Ministries:
Cynthia Wagner
Erica Malo
Nathan Ogle
Lainey Wilson
Kids Connexion:
Tola Akinsola
Zach Jordan
Patrick Kelly
Haley Vickery
So, this is my team! 17 students whose primary mission is God's glory. We would love to lead children and teens and adults to Christ, but if God is not seeking to expand His kingdom through us and rather has something else in mind, then we are all for it!
I feel like things since I've been home have been slightly hectic, although I know that they truly haven't been. It's as if time can't make up its mind about what pace it prefers. Some days seem to drag on forever, but in fact, I have already used up my second of three weeks! Today I heard a song on the radio, "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller, and it sort of struck me.
"I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, LordAnd I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint..."
I am in a state of waiting. And I will be waiting all my life, for different things throughout it of course, but waiting nonetheless. As I wait for my mission to begin at the end of this month, I will serve God, I will worship Him, and I will not grow faint or weary or restless or impatient or doubtful. I will put my full hope and trust in Him, to use this last week that I am at home for His glory, and I will find my joy in Him, whether I am singing his praises or crying out to Him. If I have to wait, which I do (and we all do), then I am going to wait on GOD and no one else, boldly and confidently.
Now that you have a little background on what each team does, I ask that you would pray for each team member. We will pray for each other of course, but I know from experience that, as we pour ourselves into the children we'll be working with and loving on, we will need to draw from other Christians as well. Your encouragement and support is so dearly desired!
Community Ministries:
Jessica Welborn
Jessica Walton
Elizabeth Legendre
Rachel Ivey
Diamond Black
Sports Ministries:
Anne Crane
Tim Laurent
Kurt Rogers
Blake Johnson
Performance/Resort Ministries:
Cynthia Wagner
Erica Malo
Nathan Ogle
Lainey Wilson
Kids Connexion:
Tola Akinsola
Zach Jordan
Patrick Kelly
Haley Vickery
So, this is my team! 17 students whose primary mission is God's glory. We would love to lead children and teens and adults to Christ, but if God is not seeking to expand His kingdom through us and rather has something else in mind, then we are all for it!
I feel like things since I've been home have been slightly hectic, although I know that they truly haven't been. It's as if time can't make up its mind about what pace it prefers. Some days seem to drag on forever, but in fact, I have already used up my second of three weeks! Today I heard a song on the radio, "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller, and it sort of struck me.
"I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, LordAnd I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint..."
I am in a state of waiting. And I will be waiting all my life, for different things throughout it of course, but waiting nonetheless. As I wait for my mission to begin at the end of this month, I will serve God, I will worship Him, and I will not grow faint or weary or restless or impatient or doubtful. I will put my full hope and trust in Him, to use this last week that I am at home for His glory, and I will find my joy in Him, whether I am singing his praises or crying out to Him. If I have to wait, which I do (and we all do), then I am going to wait on GOD and no one else, boldly and confidently.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Trust and Obey
Monday, May 3, 2010
Themeless
I don't want this to be a diary; it's a blog. So I'll just mention that I'm going back to Beaufort this summer to work with LCM, I have two days of my freshman year of college left, and life is a strange thing.
I've been reading a lot of blogs and such lately, just from different people, and they have been so interesting and full of information and passion!
I am excited to return to Beaufort, but my parents came up to WU today to help me pack up and I realized that I am, in fact, only going to have about 5 weeks with them. I am a suitcase girl. No, Winthrop is not a suitcase school, and nor do I have a difficult home life; I am simply a suitcase girl. Does this indicate some correlation with my lack of commitment to things? I'm not sure, but it sounds like something a therapist would say, so I'm going to go with it.
I also decided today that leaving my old church was a big deal for me because it was always my constant amongst so much change; so for my constant to no longer be a constant, well it kind of shattered my world then. But I think I'm okay now, for the most part anyway.
I went to my first "show"/"concert" (still not sure which it qualifies as) on Friday night. It was one of those places where you have to answer the question "Over or under?" and of course my answer is "under" (holding out my wrist for an appropriate armband). It was a blast, and an experience that I treasure. I had only heard of one of the bands beforehand, Sequoyah Prep School, but now I am familiar and in love with two new ones: Sing It Loud and A Rocket to the Moon. I have been listening to ARTTM almost nonstop since Friday.
Tonight, I cannot sleep. My plan was to awake at 5 this morning so I could spend a couple of hours studying before my 8 am exam, but I found myself up and restless at 3:30 this morning. It's already after 4 and I still cannot sleep, so I'm deciding to go ahead and be up for the day.
Our room is becoming emptier. It is sad to some extent, but thrilling at the same time. I am so used to moving around, being somewhere different, experiencing different environments and roles all the time. Short term mission trips will do that to a person.
Speaking of mission trips, I miss Canada and all of the people I met there. Everyone was so unique and precious, especially the people I was able to closely work with each week. Few people have experiences like I did there in their lifetimes, so it is hard to find someone to share that with, to express myself and have someone fully understand and empathize. Even with Beaufort I find this to be so. Sure, other people go on mission trips, even summer missions, but I have found maybe one person with whom I can share these experiences, and by share I mean form a common, mutual experience on the basis of our individual experiences, not just talk about the trips.
There is a song that I have recently fallen in love with, You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol. I am not entirely sure why I like it so much, but I think it mostly has to do with the music and the fact that I feel like someone is speaking those words directly to me. Who? I don't know, but it's as if someone is addressing me personally, not that I have the sort of relationship with anyone where that song would even be applicable.
The trash trucks are outside now. They never come at the same time anymore. At the beginning of the school year, they arrived each morning at about 3 am; why 3, I do not know. I think it's stupid to send a loud, obnoxious machine to a college campus, where college students are attempting to rest during their crazy lives, at THREE IN THE MORNING!!! So then I noticed at the beginning of this second semester that they come around 5... but then it was 4. Today I heard them at 4:26 am, so I guess they're a little confused about when to start their route. I used to take the sound of the trash trucks as my cue to hit the hay if I had been working a long night. Today, they must be my cue to hit the shower and start my day. I don't want to, but what else can I do? If I attempt to sleep some more, I will spend half an hour trying to fall asleep only to hear my alarm go off at 5. If I sleep past 5, I will not study for a sufficient amount of time and risk my GPA and scholarships...
Oh, the life of a college freshman!
I've been reading a lot of blogs and such lately, just from different people, and they have been so interesting and full of information and passion!
I am excited to return to Beaufort, but my parents came up to WU today to help me pack up and I realized that I am, in fact, only going to have about 5 weeks with them. I am a suitcase girl. No, Winthrop is not a suitcase school, and nor do I have a difficult home life; I am simply a suitcase girl. Does this indicate some correlation with my lack of commitment to things? I'm not sure, but it sounds like something a therapist would say, so I'm going to go with it.
I also decided today that leaving my old church was a big deal for me because it was always my constant amongst so much change; so for my constant to no longer be a constant, well it kind of shattered my world then. But I think I'm okay now, for the most part anyway.
I went to my first "show"/"concert" (still not sure which it qualifies as) on Friday night. It was one of those places where you have to answer the question "Over or under?" and of course my answer is "under" (holding out my wrist for an appropriate armband). It was a blast, and an experience that I treasure. I had only heard of one of the bands beforehand, Sequoyah Prep School, but now I am familiar and in love with two new ones: Sing It Loud and A Rocket to the Moon. I have been listening to ARTTM almost nonstop since Friday.
Tonight, I cannot sleep. My plan was to awake at 5 this morning so I could spend a couple of hours studying before my 8 am exam, but I found myself up and restless at 3:30 this morning. It's already after 4 and I still cannot sleep, so I'm deciding to go ahead and be up for the day.
Our room is becoming emptier. It is sad to some extent, but thrilling at the same time. I am so used to moving around, being somewhere different, experiencing different environments and roles all the time. Short term mission trips will do that to a person.
Speaking of mission trips, I miss Canada and all of the people I met there. Everyone was so unique and precious, especially the people I was able to closely work with each week. Few people have experiences like I did there in their lifetimes, so it is hard to find someone to share that with, to express myself and have someone fully understand and empathize. Even with Beaufort I find this to be so. Sure, other people go on mission trips, even summer missions, but I have found maybe one person with whom I can share these experiences, and by share I mean form a common, mutual experience on the basis of our individual experiences, not just talk about the trips.
There is a song that I have recently fallen in love with, You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol. I am not entirely sure why I like it so much, but I think it mostly has to do with the music and the fact that I feel like someone is speaking those words directly to me. Who? I don't know, but it's as if someone is addressing me personally, not that I have the sort of relationship with anyone where that song would even be applicable.
The trash trucks are outside now. They never come at the same time anymore. At the beginning of the school year, they arrived each morning at about 3 am; why 3, I do not know. I think it's stupid to send a loud, obnoxious machine to a college campus, where college students are attempting to rest during their crazy lives, at THREE IN THE MORNING!!! So then I noticed at the beginning of this second semester that they come around 5... but then it was 4. Today I heard them at 4:26 am, so I guess they're a little confused about when to start their route. I used to take the sound of the trash trucks as my cue to hit the hay if I had been working a long night. Today, they must be my cue to hit the shower and start my day. I don't want to, but what else can I do? If I attempt to sleep some more, I will spend half an hour trying to fall asleep only to hear my alarm go off at 5. If I sleep past 5, I will not study for a sufficient amount of time and risk my GPA and scholarships...
Oh, the life of a college freshman!
Friday, April 23, 2010
"Till I Entered the Sanctuary of God"
Yes, I am one of those who now has a Formspring.me account. Formspring.me is a website that allows (with different available options for privacy) others to ask questions, anonymously or with their name attached. At first, when I noticed my roommate had one, I thought it was just a silly way of asking silly questions, and so far most of the profiles I've seen have been fun and silly, maybe a sarcastic remark here or there. After a while, I found a few more friends using the site and decided to create my own. It's turned out that the questions I get aren't as silly and carefree as I was expecting. In fact, this very post is inspired by a question I just finished answering about an hour ago.
After I responded to the particular question (with much meditation and carefully chosen words of course for excruciating clarity), I couldn't help but wonder about the response that I am and have been getting through this opportunity for people to bring up issues with me anonymously. Each time I receive a question or comment of that particular sort, I'm initially shocked and slightly hurt, and then almost immediately I smile. I smile because I am offending people with Christ. I smile because I have not allowed myself to become watered down, but, on the contrary, more saturated in Christ than before. I smile because others notice God when I'm around. This is not meant to build me up, to say what a good Christian I am, but to encourage others, you, myself.
It may be hard, lonely (from the social perspective), challenging, discouraging, and all sorts of other not fun things to be a follower of Christ who not only follows but adores and reflects Him. My latest (re)discovery is Psalm 73, and it is a very refreshing Psalm to read. The Psalmist starts out talking about the prosperity of the wicked, "This is what the wicked are like- always carefree, they increase in wealth" in verse 12. But after 14 verses of ranting about how good the "bad" people have it and about all the trouble he has gone to in staying faithful ("Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. All day long I have been plagued; I have been punished every morning."), he remembers God and how the whole story ends! He spends the next 14 verses praising God and reminding himself that his efforts to follow God faithfully and wholeheartedly are not in vain! "When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny.... But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds." It is a fascinating Psalm and story, and upon every reading, I cannot help but be excited and encouraged and absolutely enthralled with my God! I challenge you to read Psalm 73and let God work in you because of it.
After I responded to the particular question (with much meditation and carefully chosen words of course for excruciating clarity), I couldn't help but wonder about the response that I am and have been getting through this opportunity for people to bring up issues with me anonymously. Each time I receive a question or comment of that particular sort, I'm initially shocked and slightly hurt, and then almost immediately I smile. I smile because I am offending people with Christ. I smile because I have not allowed myself to become watered down, but, on the contrary, more saturated in Christ than before. I smile because others notice God when I'm around. This is not meant to build me up, to say what a good Christian I am, but to encourage others, you, myself.
It may be hard, lonely (from the social perspective), challenging, discouraging, and all sorts of other not fun things to be a follower of Christ who not only follows but adores and reflects Him. My latest (re)discovery is Psalm 73, and it is a very refreshing Psalm to read. The Psalmist starts out talking about the prosperity of the wicked, "This is what the wicked are like- always carefree, they increase in wealth" in verse 12. But after 14 verses of ranting about how good the "bad" people have it and about all the trouble he has gone to in staying faithful ("Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. All day long I have been plagued; I have been punished every morning."), he remembers God and how the whole story ends! He spends the next 14 verses praising God and reminding himself that his efforts to follow God faithfully and wholeheartedly are not in vain! "When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny.... But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds." It is a fascinating Psalm and story, and upon every reading, I cannot help but be excited and encouraged and absolutely enthralled with my God! I challenge you to read Psalm 73and let God work in you because of it.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Capturing Life
I've decided in my own mind that I love people. I find such great joy in framing moments of excitement, passion, worry, laughter, confusion, or humor in a photograph. I think it's because God has given me a passion for His children, and I enjoy watching them, us. Because I see God's beauty in random little moments or places, I want others to see it too- although, of course, people rarely see what I see.I've also decided that I might put some of my best photography up in my dorm room next year, which requires me sorting through all of the pictures I've taken and picking out the best ones, the pictures that make me smile the instant I see them or that seem to capture exactly what I understood or saw at the time it was taken. Looking through my pictures was such fun, especially considering the thousands that I have from my summer missions over the years.
But the last thing that I decided was that I would post them here. In part, I want to do this so that I can feel productive having another post. The other part is that I feel like since I want others to have a chance to see what I've seen and enjoyed, this is probably a good place for them. :)
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Procrastination...
Here I am on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon, not reading under a tree or playing frisbee at Winthrop lake, but staring at a computer screen. I have run errands today, and I did take a lovely walk this morning, but I find myself going over and over a checklist of assignments I have to complete this weekend. I put off doing these assignments because I wanted to do those things that I am not doing now. I went out with friends, I had adventures, I enjoyed the weather outdoors. So do I have a right to complain about not being able to do those things now? No, not really. Yet, here I am, still avoiding the work I have to do, even though the trade-off is even worse than before. I'm not even outside or doing anything fun. I'm sitting here, in the same place as where I should be writing papers, not writing papers. It's quite sad really. I justified writing this post by convincing myself that I need something new, something other than my old mission trip posts, on this blog. But we all know that it's waited this long, one or two more days couldn't possibly have hurt.
I can't help but think that I am not the only procrastinator in the world, and I know that doesn't make it okay, but my point is that we all procrastinate. Fortunately for me, I procrastinate from doing schoolwork. I say fortunately because others avoid more pressing things- like their own health, or improving their lifestyles or habits, or salvation. Eh, it can wait another day or two. Or maybe a few months. I'll do it after I'm done with all the fun stuff. I don't feel like it right now, so I'll get to it later. Guess what, people? It's later. So I'm going to go write my papers, and then I'm going to take care of the other things on my to-do list. And maybe then, once those pressing things are accomplished, I'll get back to this whole blogging thing.
I can't help but think that I am not the only procrastinator in the world, and I know that doesn't make it okay, but my point is that we all procrastinate. Fortunately for me, I procrastinate from doing schoolwork. I say fortunately because others avoid more pressing things- like their own health, or improving their lifestyles or habits, or salvation. Eh, it can wait another day or two. Or maybe a few months. I'll do it after I'm done with all the fun stuff. I don't feel like it right now, so I'll get to it later. Guess what, people? It's later. So I'm going to go write my papers, and then I'm going to take care of the other things on my to-do list. And maybe then, once those pressing things are accomplished, I'll get back to this whole blogging thing.
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